The call came during alphabet homework. Maya was tracing the letter M the way she does—tongue peeking out, brow pinched in serious four-year-old concentration—when my mother said, in that too-calm voice, “Rebecca, about Maya’s birthday. Your father and I think it would be better if you didn’t make a big deal this year.” I sat down at the kitchen table. “You think I shouldn’t celebrate my daughter turning four?” “Don’t be dramatic. Keep it small. Private. Your sister’s little girl turns five thre